The Power of One Word: Finding the Courage to Say ‘No’
According to James Altucher, author of The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness, “…you have the right to say no: To anything that is hurting you. To standards that no longer serve you. To people who drain you of your creativity and expression. To beliefs that are not true to the real you. When you do, you’ll be freed to say a truly powerful “Yes” in your life – one that opens the door to opportunities, abundance and love.”
Yet today’s culture has a way of making us feel as if we must always say yes—yes in our jobs, yes in our relationships, yes in life. Society encourages the notion that saying yes is both courageous and gracious while simultaneously promoting the feeling that saying no is parallel to negativity and being unhelpful.
When someone asks “will you volunteer to…” or “can you help with…”, do you feel uncomfortable refusing? Do you grow a pit in your stomach when you yes?
Negativity vs. graciousness is the convention that makes saying no a constant challenge.
The Opportunity Cost
There is an actual cost to saying yes. Economists call this ‘the opportunity cost.’ And the opportunity cost of something is whatever you had to give up to get it. So if you want to become better at saying no, start considering the opportunity costs first. Tim Harford, a columnist for the Financial Times, nails it when he says, “Every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time. Will I write a book review, and therefore not write a chapter of my own book? Will I give a speech to some students, and therefore not read a bedtime story to my own child?”
Not Everything is Your Responsibility
If you’re a people-pleaser, you probably feel it’s your responsibility to say yes all of the time to everyone who asks something of you. But consider for a moment the idea that not everything is your responsibility. You have the right to choose your commitments, and you are the expert on your priorities. If you try to please everyone and over-commit yourself, you may potentially destroy your own ability to doing things well.
The Mad Genius to Saying No
No one wants to turn down a request for help, but there is power in saying no, and sometimes it’s the best answer. The secret is you must be willing to commit to yourself first. Commitments to others are easy, yet committing to ourselves is a significant challenge. Invoking the power to say no takes determination and constant effort.
Saying no is a simple act. When you are saying no, do not lie or make up excuses, do not apologize and do not over-explain yourself. Just decline. It’s that simple. And it’s one of the most important things you can do for success. Saying no is not the same as being negative, but setting limits sets us free.
Kelsey Ramsden, Canada’s #1 Female Entrepreneur, suggests these three steps when saying no:
- Say no but yes to something smaller or more aligned with a direct interest.
- Say no but hook up the person/cause with someone you know who could/would want to say yes.
- Say no because the only kind of ‘you’ that you give is the 100 percent.
Ramsden adds, “some may think you are putting yourself first or that you are being greedy with your time. I hope that they do. Because putting yourself first and being greedy with your time is the only way to ensure that you are able to give 100 percent of yourself 100 percent of the time to the life you most desire.
Warren Buffet said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”
